I want to reach out to people who are fighting their own demons everyday. I have been through what you are going through. I have felt despair, guilt, out of control, anger, self deprecation, you name an emotion and I have felt it. I want to let you know that you can do anything that you want to do, and that you are not alone. If you would like to chat, here is my email: joe.randene@joerandene.com
I can remember the day that I almost quit. There was almost no “Joe the Runner”, or a new healthy me, or this blog. Because like so many people that battle demons everyday, I almost gave up and fell right back in to those comfortable habits that had served me so well for so long. And the trigger for this near relapse was stress.
We were having problems at one of our sites in France and I was travelling there every single week, for months. Having started my attempt at losing weight and running about four weeks before, on one exceptionally bad day, instead of running, I went out to dinner and drinks with some friends to commiserate. It was great, I was eating and drinking beer, I ordered a nice dessert at the end of the meal, and all of the stress started to melt away. I was playing my “part”. This is who I was, a jovial, overweight guy. None of my friends knew who I was trying to become and they just saw the “Old Joe”. It wasn’t their fault; you have to hold yourself accountable.
Feeling a lot less stressed and walking back to the hotel where I was staying, something odd started to happen. I started to feel a new kind of stress. The kind that comes from knowing I missed a run and I had completely blown up my nutrition. I say nutrition, because I hate the word diet. Diets do not work long term. You need to eat correctly not necessarily less to lose weight permanently. Check out this post for more: Lose Weight without Being Hungry.
I realized at this moment that if living a healthy lifestyle was going to be a permanent change, it couldn’t cause me stress, because like I said, stress is a trigger for me, and causes me to eat those comfort foods and drink! So I took a deep breath and evaluated the situation. Yes, I completely fell off the bandwagon and yes, I skipped a run. That was the damage, how bad could it be? What could I do to “fix” it? Right then and there I decided to wake up and get an extra run in before work the next morning and get back to eating the right foods immediately.
I woke up the next morning feeling a little hung over and completely full. You know that full that I am talking about when you have gorged yourself on a big dinner late at night. Deep down, I knew there was no way that I was going to run… so I walked. Instead of 30 minutes of running, I just walked, because moving was better then not moving. For breakfast I ate lightly as I was mostly full so I knew a piece of fruit would tide me over. Then I just reflected for a minute. I told myself that I was proud that I woke up this morning and did what I could, and that I wasn’t perfect. I FORGAVE myself.
That day, I ate very clean, no mishaps, and when we got back to the hotel, I went for a run and ate a light dinner. And you know what, when I didn’t order a drink or dessert, no one cared. I started to play my new “part”, and no one really seemed to notice. I was back on track and one step closer to becoming “Joe the Runner”.
This is what I learned in regards to dealing with the devil that I have to battle even to this day:
- I know that I am not perfect, and I will make mistakes. Just don’t let them become consistent mistakes! In fact, I even plan these “mistakes” as rewards. When I completed my first ultra, I went out and celebrated! I drank beer, I ate gelato, and I ate PIZZA! It was my reward. When you run 36 miles in two days, it’s ok to take a day and go a little crazy.
- Be kind to myself. When I make mistakes, I take a deep breath, evaluate the damage, come up with a plan to get back on track, forgive myself, and move on. Do not dwell on this stuff!
- Know your triggers. Take time to reflect and identify the what and why behind your habits so that you are more self aware and can nip them in the bud!
- Be flexible. Today is a great example! I was supposed to get a 15k run in and rest tomorrow, but I found out last minute that today is my daughter’s senior lunch, so today is now a rest day and tomorrow I’ll get the 15k in. Check Strava if you don’t believe me!
- Be prepared to leave parts of the old you behind in order to become the new you. Unfortunately this means that you may lose some friends, but my experience has been not my TRUE friends. They stuck around. By the way, I’ve made a lot of great new friends too!
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